I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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