Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
