They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I FOUND THE LEGS
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
