i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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