i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
