if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I will die if light touches me.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just forgot I was standing up.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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