even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
