dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
