So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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