Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
