me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
