I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize