I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Dear god my vagina.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
