Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
