Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
