Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
