Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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