At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
