if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
