Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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