I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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