I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
