good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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