and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Randomize
