I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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