yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize