So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
