Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We had to coat check the pizza.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize