going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
