Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Randomize
