It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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