The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize