I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
