you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Randomize
