I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize