They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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