Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize