so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
