Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
