I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
