she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
