did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
