my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
