You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
handjob tips. give me some.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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