I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
