I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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