Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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