I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
