everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
