Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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