I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Randomize
