Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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