she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
