right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
