Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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