those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
