I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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