Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
