i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
