i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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