I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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