i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize