I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
