google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
