Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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